Tales of Tails
by Urchin of the Riding Stars
Summary: A collection of Nekotalia pairing drabbles and misadventures of the feline kind. Rated K for kitty fluffiness and rainbow vomit-inducing cuteness.
1. Germouser and Itabby

Tales of Tails

A collection of Nekotalia pairing drabbles and misadventures of the feline kind. Rated K for kitty fluffiness and rainbow vomit-inducing cuteness.

~*oOo*~

**Hi, everyone! There'll be a new Hetalia kittified chapter every few days or so—please let me know what pairings you'd like to see! Not all will be necessarily romantic.**

**First, we start off with one of the most classic of pairings in Hetalia—Germany and Italy, or rather Germouser and Itabby. ^_^ Farewell, my lovelings! Reviews are always appreciated! If you like, we'll come back to this story, though I think next segment will be devoted to Su cat and Finland feline. ;)**

~*oOo*~

* * *

Germouser was not a lap cat, nor a little kit who played with string and lapped at cream. He was not raised in some cushy environment, meant to be nothing more than a "pet." The thought abhorred him. No, Germouser was a cat who glowered in the windowsill, hissing when cars or strangers (or worse, strangers with DOGS) passed by. He patrolled whenever his master was away from their neat and soldierly home, always on the alert.

He was a strict, no-nonsense, powerful cat who well-earned his name of 'Germouser' and proudly lined up his "trophies" in the garden (He'd tried to present them to his master but Ludwig had only gotten sick on the spot, so the feline knew well enough by now to keep them out of sight). He kept his dark fur sleek and shiny, though he didn't spend the day fretting about cleanliness like the long-haired pussy Austricat next door, who had to lick himself clean whenever he so much as stepped in soot. And every time he passed by the strange looking-glass his master called a 'mirror,' he made sure to battle with the angry, hissing feline who insisted on copying him and batting at him every time they saw each other. Germouser hadn't defeated his nemesis yet, but one of these days, he'd succeed in staring even HIM down. It was only a matter of time.

Germouser obviously could not tell time, but he was still a very schedule-oriented cat. He liked to take his naps when the sun was at a certain point in the sky, and he preferred to rise and retire the same times as his master. Nothing quite so irritated the militant cat as the disruption of his itinerary, and he was fond monotony. Spontaneity was unwelcome, unknown to his and his human's house, almost frightening in a sense.

Until the day Itabby came along.

One afternoon, while Germouser was enjoying a quiet snooze in the sun, he listened to the door open and the tired cat stretched his bones, flexing his claws. But he heard his master's voice, and he relaxed a little. Was it five o'clock already?

"So…I suppose I should tell you and Kiku to enjoy yourselves." Ludwig sounded tired, resigned. "I still don't know how you talked me into this…"

"Because you are so nice, you silly!" chimed a new, unfamiliar voice, and Germouser stiffened with surprise. He quickly leapt down from the windowsill and walked to the doorway near his master's boots, light blue eyes tense.

There was a young, mead-haired young man with caramel-colored eyes holding what appeared to be a small cage with many holes in it. He blinked at the sight of Germouser, and immediately his eyes lit up, as if he'd learned sausages or schnitzel were to be served for supper. He stooped and extended a hand out to the dark gray cat, who only frowned at him in response. "Ve….Ludwig, you forgot to mention how adorable Germouser was! Is so nice that Itabby has a friend to play with!"

Germouser nipped at the young man's hand when he'd tried to scratch him behind the ears. His owner stamped his foot and boomed "Germouser! Nein! Mind your manners!" The cat sent him an affronted look. What? He'd expected praise for that one. Who was this strange man and what business did he have coming here? Abashed, the cat stared at his paws and tried to stand at attention.

The young man slowly withdrew his hand. Germouser almost, repeat, _almost _felt sorry for the sad expression on his face, but it brightened up almost immediately.

"Ve, don't scold him, Ludwig! I'm sure he's a very nice kitty. Probably just shy!" Germouser's hair stood up at the one. _Shy?_ "He and Itabby should be great friends just so long as he doesn't try to steal his pizza!"

"Feliciano, Vhy do you vant me to feed the vretched thing _pizza_?" asked Germouser's owner sullenly as he accepted the cage the man was holding. "Germouser does just fine on the occasional bit of liver, or sausage…the birds and vermin he catches…."

Germouser puffed out his chest with pride at that one, but to his surprise the human looked as horrified as if Ludwig had suggested throwing kittens into a furnace. "Oh, Itabby could never catch a mouse! And even if he did, he'd never eat it—who knows where it's been? Nope, he's a cat of fine taste! Which is why you must feed him pizza! Or pasta! Yes, better yet, lots and lots of pasta! Oh, but not the Spaghettios kind, either!" The man's face abruptly darkened, and were it not for Germouser's sense of pride, he would have fled behind his owner's ankles. _"That is not pasta."_

"I am regretting this already," Germouser's human muttered. Feliciano leaned forward and kissed Ludiwg on the cheek, which the tall blonde wiped off with a small scowl.

"Oh, is just for a while! Kiku and I will take lots of pictures and bring home pretty souvenirs and speak of all the lovely girls we meet!" The man bent over the cage and said gently, "You must have fun and be a good kitty, yes? Try to find a nice girl cat to eat pasta with!" The young man bounded down the steps, heading towards a shiny red vehicle. "Have fun, you three! Be good friends!"

Ludwig just gawked at him for a moment before he regained his composure. "V-vait! I've changed my mind—can't ve just drop him off at a shelter or something?"

"Oh, Luddy, you're so silly!" The man climbed into his car and merrily waved, eyes sparkling. "He would die there with no nice Luddy or Germouser! Please be good to my pussy!" he shouted. Ludwig turned red.

"Do you realize how _vrong_ that sounds—"

"Ciao, bella! Will see you soon!"

And with that, Feliciano's car raced down the road, narrowly avoiding knocking over two mailboxes as he did so.

For a moment, Germouser's owner just stared at the road, aghast. Then, he let out a weary sort of groan and buried his face in his hands. "That kid…he better bring me back some quality beer for this one." He looked down at the cage he held in his arms. "Vell…I suppose ve might as vell get you inside, anyhow." The man sounded resigned.

Germouser watched attentively as the man lowered the box, where a pair of eyes were peering at Germouser from the darkness. The cat swallowed and raised his hackles, ready to pounce if need be. He'd seen that sort of cage before—he was carried in one himself whenever he had to visit the vet's. It was another cat. Would it be an annoying one with a superiority complex like his brother down the street? Did it want to fight? In that case, Germouser would have to bite his ear and let him know the social ladder for HIS home.

Ludwig tentatively opened the cage door, and a blur of honey-brown streaked out almost immediately, knocking directly into the startled Germouser and knocking him straight onto his back. He rolled with something—someone—seeing a merry smile flashing in and out of his eyes. He felt his back smack into a wall, and the dazed cat leaned back, waiting for the world to stop spinning.

When his vision cleared up somewhat, he saw a little gold calico perched atop of him, smiling serenely. Germouser was so overwhelmed by the cat's _audacity_ that he was stunned silent. The cat nuzzled him, a low purr starting in its throat.

_Germouser! Germouser_! He mewed. _It's so nice to meet you! I've heard so many things about you from my master! Let's be friends! You and I can eat pasta together and the two of us can go on walks, and have catnip, and play games and you can protect me from bullies and we can eat more pasta and—_

Germouser had heard enough. With an angry hiss, he thwacked the cat across the face with a clawed paw, effectively clobbering him into the ground. While the intruder was dazedly meowing, Germouser leapt atop him, watching the smaller cat writhe and whimper.

_Stay off of me, you little idiot!_ Yowled Germouser, ignoring the toffee-colored cat's desperate bids for freedom. _I don't know what kind of nonsense your owner puts up with, but so long as you're in MY house, you obey ME and follow the rules!_ Italy cat quivered with fright underneath Germouser, his harsh stare keeping him pinned.

_V-Ve, please let me go, Germouser…_he pleaded.

Germouser lazily flicked out a claw, baring his teeth. _Rule number one, stay off of me! Got it? _

_Ve, I do, I do. _

Slightly appeased, Germouser slowly crawled off the newcomer, frowning at him as much as a cat could frown. _Very good._

Itabby got up, looking surprisingly cheerful. _Can we still be friends, Germouser?_

In the process of grooming himself and retaining some dignity, Germouser just glowered at him. _Are you a complete idiot? You just got here and I can't wait until your owner comes to pick you up! Just try and stay out of my way, and I won't kill you!_

Itabby cocked his head slightly and purred. _But we CAN be friends if I play nice?_

Germouser snorted as his owner slowly shook his head at the display and went off to make supper._ I suppose if you don't bother me, you'll stay out of my fur and I stay out of yours. We will not antagonize the other. _

_Is that a yes?_

_I suppose so._

_Yay!_ Itabby attempted to leap upon Germouser, but the cat dashed away with another angry hiss. _Rule Number One! Rule Number One, you little moron! Do you have dust in your head where your brains should be? _

To his horror, he found Itabby licking his ear fondly. _Oh, Germouser, you are so funny and scary all at the same time! Can I sleep in your kitty bed tonight?_

Shuddering with mortification, Germouser tackled him again, teeth bared once again. _That's it, you die now!_

~*oOo*~

The dark-furred feline couldn't see how his master put up with the foolish visitor. If it had been _him,_ he would have never agreed to accept the invalid to begin with—though to be fair, Itabby had been essentially thrust in the hands of Germouser's poor master. The calico was not independent like the stoic and proud Germouser; he unabashedly rubbed against Ludwig's ankles, purring for affection. On the first evening of Itabby's stay, Germouser had watched, incensed and startled as his owner uncertainly scooped Itabby into his arms and started scratching him behind the ears.

Later that night, Ludwig had been enjoying some liverwurst, bread, cheese, and beer for dinner whilst Germouser ate his canned cat-food (and a sausage Ludwig had given him) without complaint on the floor. But Itabby had yowled and whimpered and whined until Ludwig scooped him and his bowl up onto the table (The little cat had tried to eat with Germouser, who only kept nosing his bowl away from the menace, who couldn't seem to take a hint).

THEN, Itabby cried when he finally looked into his bowl and discovered dried cat food. Ludwig had looked at the list Feliciano had left him and groaned, irritably spooning the remnants of his own plate into Itabby's. The cat had been somewhat appeased by that, but it wasn't long before he was nosing Ludwig's hand, begging for a treat. The cat was small, especially in comparison to Germouser—but his stomach seemed to have ample amount of room for what had to be several truckloads of food.

_What, doesn't your owner feed you?_ Asked Germouser irritably to Itabby while Ludwig was in the shower. _What's the matter with you?_

Itabby rubbed his ear with his hind leg. _Mmm? I like yummy food, so master and I eat together! Your master's food isn't as good as my master's, but it was a good snack!_

Germouser felt hot, and he pawed the rug like an angry bull, considering rushing Itabby down and clawing his fuzzy face. _You don't know what you're talking about, you dunce!_

But Itabby was already wandering away. _Ve, I think I will join your master in the shower, he purred thoughtfully. I love hot showers! _He danced away, idling towards the bathroom door, under which steam was drifting out.

Germouser abruptly pounced on Itabby, socking him upside the head with a paw. _Owww! Ve, what was that for, Germouser?_

_You idiot!_ _Were you dropped on your head as a kitten?_

_But I LOVE hot showers_, whined Itabby, pawing at Germouser's ear again. _Master and I take them together all the time! Don't you like taking them with your master?_ A spark of light entered Itabby's eyes. _Ohhh! Maybe you and I should both go, it'll feel very nice_!

_N-Nein!_ Germouser stammered, hating how feeble he sounded. He loathed feeling remotely insecure about anything.

_In that case, let's go to bed! It'll be warmer if we snuggle!_

To be painfully honest, Germouser did not think Itabby would survive the first night.

~*oOo*~

Itabby cried like a little kitten when Germouser kicked him out of his bed, keeping both Germouser and his master awake. When Germouser stirred early the next morning and found Itabby dozing against him, he wearily contemplated kicking Itabby out again only to come to the conclusion that it was not worth the trouble. He'd have to find a new place to sleep, someplace where he didn't have to put up with Itabby's rumbling purr or the smell of garlic-covered tuna fish.

In the morning, while Ludwig and Germouser got ready for the day, Itabby stayed in the cat bed and curled up in the warm place where Germouser had been sleeping. Only when Germouser and Ludwig had started breakfasting did Itabby miraculously appear, eying his kitty dish of pasta unhappily. _These are store-made noodles_, he complained as Germouser ate his breakfast, doing his best to ignore him._ I am happy your master made pasta for me, but they are not like my master's._

_If you're so mad about your master, run away and find your way back to him_, grumbled Germouser, finishing his breakfast and licking his chops. Itabby looked at him sadly.

_Ve, doesn't your master ever make you supper? That is not happy if he doesn't! _

_Of course he does, stupid!_ Meowed Germouser at Itabby angrily as Ludwig got ready for work._ He can't help it if you happen to be a spoiled and soft tabby! Grow up. _

Sheepish and shy, Itabby licked at his paws, meowing sadly. _Food is master's way of saying 'mia cara!' But he also gives me lots of hugs because I like lots of hugs and kisses very lots!_

Then go back to your master. We don't want you here!

Itabby tentatively approached Germouser. _Do you need hugs too? Of course you do! Everyone needs hugs! I will nuzzle you and make you full of happy so you won't be so grouchy._

Germouser hissed, all of his fur standing on end. Itabby ducked behind one of the legs of the kitchen table. _D-don't come near me! I don't NEED hugs, you nimrod! And if you try touching me, I'll push your head in the toilet!_

Itabby peeked out, looking puzzled. _Ve? But I would not like that!_

_That's the point, idiot cat!_ Germouser growled. The two of them heard the door close and Germouser threw an ugly scowl at Itabby. _There, you see? You made me miss saying goodbye to my master! I see him off every day!_

Itabby shrunk in on himself, his meow tiny. _I—I am sorry, _he stammered. _Love from master is so very important. You are very good cat, to see him off every day, so diligent! I sleep in when master goes away in mornings. _

Germouser sniffed and looked away, warmth building in his cheeks at the compliment. _But…but of course._ He'd never heard anyone call him a very good cat before, and he found it strangely pleasant.

With a reluctant bob of his head in Itabby's direction, Germouser plodded off to the living room, only to find Itabby following after him. _What are you doing?_ Asked Germouser with a groan.

_Following you._ Itabby hopped up to the window with Germouser.

_Obviously you've spent too much time in the catnip patch, _the German cat sniffed._ Of COURSE I realize what you're doing, but I want to know WHY!_

_I want to see what you do all day! I'm curious!_

Germouser's harsh stare softened somewhat. _I stand guard._

_Ve, like a dog! So cool!_ Itabby plopped on his back, stretched, and wriggled on the pillow. _So cool, Germouser! Can I stand guard, too? _

Germouser considered him for a moment. He supposed that it probably wouldn't hurt to have two cats on duty just for today. In fact, it'd probably help. ….fine. But be vigilant! He warned, turning his stare to the window.

Itabby nodded cheerfully, trying to look tough. _Right!_

The two looked outside the window for perhaps two minutes, and then Itabby's attention drifted over to Germouser's twitching tail. The cat flinched and tried to keep his gaze fixated on the outside world, but his eyes kept wandering back to it where it moved so tantalizingly…

There was nothing that Itabby believed didn't have SOME play value, whether it was a patched up piece of master's underpants or a bit of running water from a turned-on faucet, which he'd attempted to drink from. He batted at everything, from Ludwig's paper to his slippers to a bit of thread hanging off a pillow.

But this was the icing on the cake. Germouser started to quiver with anger when Itabby started playing with his tail, trying to chase it. _What are you doing?_

_Play, play! _Mewed Itabby. _Play with me, Germouser._

_I can't. I mean, don't want to. _Germouser turned his intense gaze back out the window. _What will master do if a robber shows up? We must be on guard!_

That got Itabby's attention. _A-A robber?_ He buried his head underneath a pillow. _I'm scared! I thought robbers were only on the TV! _

_Of course they're not, you nut! _Germouser exclaimed. At least for SOME part of the day, I have to stand watch! If a robber comes in, I must be ready to bite him and jump on his head and claw at him until he goes away!

Itabby poked his head out of the pillow, looking admiring. _Ve…Germouser is so brave! It's so amazing! _

_Hmph._ Germouser started to lick himself. _What would YOU do if a robber showed up to the house? Hide?_

Itabby blinked. _Why, I would go up to him, greet him, ask him to pat my head, and hope he takes everything but the food!_

Germouser let out a yowl. Nooo! If you do that, you and your master lose! You must fight if a robber comes!

T-that's scary! Itabby exclaimed. _Master would not want me to get hurt, and how could I stop a thief? I suppose I could let the man my neighbor cat owns try and cook for him,_ he ventured, looking faintly ill. I _remember when he brought over a plate of…of** something** to welcome my master and I to the neighborhood. _Itabby winced in remembrance, making a face._ But I would feel sorry for the poor robber_.

Germouser just stared at him blankly.

_You must have been born on a highway, _he grumbled._ That's where my master says the most accidents happen. _

Far from looking insulted, Itabby just purred. _We can always get more things, Germouser. Our masters bring things home all the time…we can't get more masters. Well, we can, but they won't be like OUR masters._ Itabby walked around in a circle three times before he plopped down, looking ready for a nap. _People are more important than things. That's what my master says when he does something silly and breaks a plate. I am sure Ludwig would not want you to get hurt if a robber came to the house. If I were Ludwig, I'd want to see a friendly face safe and sound and there rather than hurt trying to defend a desk! Itabby grinned. If I were Itabby, which I am, I would be okay if all master's things went out the door and you were just fine! Master would feel that way too, I am sure._

Germouser didn't say anything at all. The words were so unexpected and strange and wise all at once that he now felt a bit awkward, almost sheepish. He grunted and curled up into a ball, not certain what to do with himself. He didn't want to think that guarding the house was unnecessary, since it gave him such a great feeling of purpose, but now he wondered…

'_Stupid Itabby_,' thought Germouser sullenly. Now he'd need to find a new hobby. He tucked his paws underneath him and got ready for a good, long nap.

~*oOo*~


	2. Su and Fin

~*oOo*~

When Tino Vainamoinen moved into a new town in order to be closer to the hospital where he worked, he had difficulty meeting very many friends at first and began to feel lonely the third week following the transition.

Getting a pet had made perfect sense to him; he'd always wanted a cat as a kid but due to his mother's allergies to their hair, had never been able to own so much as a goldfish. But a goldfish wouldn't be a lap-buddy, greet him when he came home from work, or keep his feet warm at night, so Tino had gone to the pound in search of a friendly feline.

The director showed him into the kennel, and Tino had been immediately overwhelmed with the vast number of the units, every one containing at least one mewing, purring, hissing, dozing, playing, or snacking cat! As the young man had never once owned a cat, he'd had no idea where to start, so he just randomly started peering into each of the cages, hoping to find one that would immediately click with him somehow.

When he came to the third row, he'd curiously peered into a dark cage and jumped as a pair of blue eyes immediately jumped out at him from the shadowy corner. Stern and severe-looking like a drill sergeant or a librarian, a cat with indigo-dark fur and a scruffy white neck and tummy had slowly approached the bars of his unit, eyeing Tino, who quickly drew his fingers away from the bars. This was a big, tough-looking tomcat and it looked very much like it were plotting to bite him, judging by how pensively it flicked its tail, like a lion.

When the blonde doctor was about to move on to the next cage, he heard the cat let out a rumbling, raspy sort of purr that had sounded like a rusty engine were trying to run. Tino had smiled in spite of himself, turned back to the cage, and tentatively stroked the cat's gleaming fur through the bars of the tomcat's home, confidence growing as the cat nuzzled him and turned around several times so as to let Tino scratch him all over.

The cat didn't look at all like the kittens on the rescue flyers, but he was certainly affectionate. Tino looked at a few other cats, but his attention kept straying back to the dark tomcat, who kept his eyes fixed on Tino. He supposed having an older cat wouldn't be such a bad thing; you had to housebreak kittens and teach them not to claw the furniture.

It wasn't long before the dark tomcat was being packed into a carrier, and Tino drove him home with a box of necessary pet supplies, including a book on cats. He'd decided to name the cat Su, because it seemed a good, cute balance for a cat with such a scary-looking face. Finland had considered a plethora of other names—weirder names, like Bone Avalanche and Dusty Bumpers—but the cat adamantly refused to answer to anything other than Su.

~*oOo*~

Su settled fairly quickly into his new life. Tino found the cat surprisingly playful and cuddly, always willing to snuggle up in bed while his master read a book and scratched his ears some chilly winter's night. Tino enjoyed the strange way Su almost seemed to wait for him when he came home at half-past five, meowing expectantly. The idea was silly but endearing, and Tino loved Su-cat very much. The cat was almost always nearby, definitely warm, and always came when called, like a dog.

However, as a few months went by and Tino met some new friends, meaning that he was at home less and less often, Su became somewhat despondent. He'd halfheartedly bat at a kitty toy if Tino held it out in front of him, but most of his toys remained untouched and unmoved. He became listless in the mornings as Tino got ready for the day, became strangely naughty and chewed up Tino's best shoes, the ones he reserved for work…the only time Tino ever caught any real energy out of the cat was when Tino came home.

Worried, Su's owner had taken him to a vet, who had declared Su healthy as a horse. Confused, Tino read his book on cats and concluded that Su might be lonely. He supposed he could try getting another cat—one more couldn't hurt, and it was the least he could do for his pet considering the excellent company he'd got out of him when Tino had had no friends.

One day, while Su was peering expectantly out the window, Tino had come home with a new cat carrier and a large smile on his face. He stamped the snow off his boots as he entered the house, laughing.

"Su! Su! I got a surprise for you, buddy! I really think you're going to enjoy it!"

Su had pricked his ears at the sound of his voice, but stayed in the windowsill, staring at the crate with narrowed eyes. His master knelt, smiling slightly as he opened the little door on the cage, and peered inside.

"Come on out," he coaxed. "There's someone I'd like you to meet."

He stepped back; for a long moment, there was nothing, and Su dully wondered what sort of new toy his master had brought home in an effort to raise Su's spirits. He was thinking that he'd at least have to give a small show of being happy when a little head slowly peeked out of the cage, anxious and alert all at once. It was another cat, though it was much smaller and fluffier than Su. He was a pale, sandy color, though the top of his head and the tips of his ears were white, as if the cat were wearing a little white hat, like the beret Su's master was so found of. One of them had a little tear at the edge, as if he'd been in a fight.

The cat took in all its new surroundings, tentatively sniffing at his surroundings before his eyes at last fell on Su, who had dropped from the windowsill and leapt onto the floor, intense stare locked on the newcomer. His curiously purple eyes had widened with what appeared to be alarm, and the cat nervously began to retreat into his cage.

Su crouched and pounced onto the startled cat, who let out a very loud meow and started struggling desperately, though it immediately froze when it looked up into Su's extreme stare, looking sick with dread.

"Hey! That's not very nice, Su!" scolded Tino, looking torn as to whether or not he should intervene. "Fin's our newest guest. Be nice to him."

_Fin._ Su purred, and the cat called Fin looked even more afraid, assuming that the cat's motor-like purr was a growl of some kind. As the cat cringed and squeezed his eyes shut, Su dipped his head, eyeing a bit of ruffled fur on Fin's neck.

Tino leapt forward, amazed that his sweet cat was going to bite poor Fin. He hadn't imagined that this would go so wrong! "Su, don't you dare—"

Fin's eyes opened wide as he felt a small tongue, as rough as sandpaper, slowly start licking at his neck. The newcomer winced and squirmed, meowing in obvious discomfort as Su groomed him, throaty purr filling up the room.

_You'll be my wife,_ purred Su to Fin, who looked most unhappy with this delightful occurrence. _Please make kittens with me!_

_G-go away! _

~*oOo*~

Fin took more time adjusting than Su had. He'd been a cat who'd been passed around many times, never really given much attention. He was timid, and did not like to come to the kitchen for meals if he thought someone else might be there, though it wasn't as if he had much choice; Su followed him around like a second shadow, unaware that the bigger cat's presence put the little one on edge. While Fin liked affection from Tino every now and again, he seemed to dread it when it came from Su, mainly because the big cat was so willing to dish out buckets and buckets of it to him.

No matter where Fin tried to hide, Su would invariably squeeze in or climb up after him. No matter where Fin fell asleep, whether it be on his master's bed or behind the toilet, he would wake up with Su's large body draped snugly wrapped around him.

At first, it was terrifying for Fin-feline. Then, it was mostly just annoying, though Su's…._tenacity_ and scary face were certainly…scary.

One day, three weeks after Fin had been brought home, Fin padded into the kitchen to have a sip from his water dish, pleased that he was alone for a change. Su cat had been napping on the sofa last time he'd seen him, waiting for Fin to come out under it.

As he lapped up the water with his small pink tongue, Fin's purple eyes wandered over to his own rippling reflection, only to sputter and nearly land face first in the bowl—Su cat was giving him his death stare right behind him!

Sopping wet and humiliated, the cat slowly backed away, trying not to sprint right then and there. _U-uh,_ Fin meowed uneasily. _S-sorry_…He wasn't sure why he was apologizing for Su scaring the daylights out of him. _You can have some water if you like…i-it's good…_

Su just looked at him, looking austere as always.

_Aren't you going to eat?_ Their master had filled up their food bowls just a little while ago. Finland laughed. It sounded more like a croak of fear.

_N-not hungry, t-thanks…_

_Wife, eat something. It is good_. Su nosed his bowl over to Fin, who sniffed it halfheartedly before ignoring it.

_P-please stop calling m-me your wife….it's very demeaning. _

_But you make a most wonderful wife._ The dark-furred kitty attempted to nuzzle Fin, who only hastily retreated, leaping up a nearby chair to a table so that he could scale the refrigerator, leaping onto the top high above everything else in the room. Su only gracefully bounded after him in three short leaps. Now Fin gave him a harsh stare, hissing just a little bit.

_Stop following me! _

_But I wish to have kittens with you. _Su watched as Fin irritably leapt towards the table, and followed. _Would you like to do it on a table…?_

_No! _In a streak of beige lightning, Fin raced to their master's bedroom and immediately hid underneath the bed; Su followed once again.

_This is a romantic place,_ he commented happily to the white-capped kitty, whose trembling paws were over his head. _Although perhaps atop the bed would be nicer—_

_Leave me alone_! Pleaded Fin as he zipped to the living room and hurried behind the bookshelf. But just as he started to relax, he looked up to see that Su was peering at him from above the shelf with beady eyes.

_You wish to do it in a dark place? Are you shy?_

_No! Nononononono!_ Fin mewed as he wriggled out behind the shelf, only to be tackled by Su cat. Fin pawed at him and wriggled helplessly, knowing it was useless.

_I'll take that as a yes._

_Please!_ Fin begged, not meeting Su's eyes. _Just…just back off, okay?_ _I've met cats like you before—there was this enormous one in my cage at the pet store who was always rubbing against me and trying to make me "become one" with him. That wasn't cool!_

Su stared at the little cat, aghast.

_You were violated?_ His fur stood on end, and Fin shuddered as the cat let out an angry rowel, fur standing on end. _Oh, tell me where this awful creature is, and I will scratch him to death with my claws! I do not want you to have another cat's kittens_!

Fin resumed his struggle. _He didn't actually get to do it with me—I stayed out of the way. Just leave me alone! I do not want to have kittens!_

_But why ever not?_

Fin glowered at him. _Get away from me or else!_ He warned, scrabbling against the floor for freedom, cringing as Su licked his ear. _You pervert! _

Su tilted his head ever so slightly. _Does this mean you won't have kittens with me? _

_Gah! Please, please, please go away…._

~*oOo*~


	3. Britcat and the Kitten

**Barcelona is a city in Spain. Britcat's actual name is Merlin, but for convenience's sake, he's being referred to as Britcat. The French Feline is called Louis by his owner. These kitties typically don't refer to each other by name unless they happen to be close.**

~*oOo*~

One lazy afternoon, a white, orange, and brown Scottish fold cat briskly trotted down an alley, wishing ardently that he could lick a bite wound that he'd managed to obtain on his tiny, tufty ear. He'd had a scuffle with Barcelona (_Stupid name! Barcelona!)_ cat and while the feline had nearly scratched the Spanish cat to pieces for his trouble, his ear was aching terribly and he supposed his owner would have to take a look at it, perhaps pluck a herb or two from his window box to help it heal. He wasn't relishing the prospect—while his human pet's herbs worked wonders on his usual scrapes, the plants stung horribly and it was awful having to skulk to Arthur with the wounds to begin with, sheepish and sorry. Brit-cat did NOT do sheepish and sorry. It'd help if his owner could only SEE the cats he fought with so regularly, so that his injuries could become medals of pride.

The cat leapt over a puddle and maneuvered his way around a few garbage cans, nose wrinkling ever so slightly. Beyond the unpleasant stink of garbage, there was definitely a familiar scent in the air—there was another cat nearby. The short-haired feline slowly came to a halt, sharp green eyes narrowing as he continued to sniff the air.

The smell of another cat…and something else, something flowery and perfumey, something _familiar_….

Britcat raised his hackles and hissed. He crept around a corner and confirmed his suspicions: the stupid longhaired French feline was sitting on an overturned box, admiring his reflection in a puddle of water. Britcat wondered if there was any point in getting into a fight _now _of all times when he was still wearied after his tousle with the stupid Spanish tomcat, but he raised a paw and extended his claws, smirking slightly to himself. Who did he think he was fooling? He was _always _up for a fight with the girly French monstrosity who lived next door. His human pet would be delighted when he learned that he'd ruffled that finely groomed fur and made both France cat and his stupid owner cry….

France cat looked up when Britcat slowly crept up on him, looking even more disdainful than normal.

_Bonjour_, it said, daintily licking his snow white paw, blue eyes flecked with dark amusement. _I thought I smelled something foul in these rotten alleys, but it was just you. My mistake, non?_ His gaze wandered to the bite mark on Britcat's ear and the pleased cat let out a purr. _Well now, who bit the MIGHTY Brit's ear?_ He sneered even as Britcat snarled, short fur ruffling as he prepped himself for a fight. _Did Barcelona tear into you and send you home crying? Or were you just bitten by some lady cat who did not return your affections?_

Britcat yowled. _I'll kill you for that, you stupid excuse for a cat! And I'll have you know that I showed that idiot Barcelona one-four, which is exactly what I'll show the likes of YOU! Let's see how well you fight when I get mud all over your girly coat!_ His eyes fell to the nearby puddles, and an evil smile lit up his face.

France cat paled underneath his fur. Britcat regularly got messy and could clean himself up in a heartbeat, but if the slightest speck fell on his gorgeous long coat….the French feline bared his teeth, and the two cats started circling each other, sizing up the other, guttural hisses escaping. _I will send you home to your owner in a body cast before you will get one dirty claw on me!_ Hissed the French Feline with an amused smirk.

_Mew!_

_Ha! You even mewl for mercy like a kit! _Said the French Feline with a triumphant meow. _Victory is mine!_

Britcat's piercing mean eyes narrowed. _That wasn't me, you twat!_

_Mew! Mew! _

A piteous mewing sound began to break through their catcalls and hisses, and Britcat's eyes wandered over to the source of the noise—a nearby crate, stacked half-haphazardly over a great many others. The cat bounded up several of them to investigate, and the French feline was so startled at Britcat's retreat that he followed after.

_Mew! Mew!_ Britcat raised his nose and sniffed the air, scrabbling up the sides of the wooden box from which he could hear the sounds. What he saw surprised him so much that he very nearly slid off the sides, and he had to scrabble with his paws to retain his footing. The French feline leapt elegantly onto a tilted crate, his amused expression turning to shock in an instant.

Two very tiny white kittens lay curled around the other, eyes squeezed tightly shut. One of them was barely breathing, with a scruffy ring of dusty Autumn red fur at its neck and two half-moon rings underneath its closed eyes. It had a yellow stripe of fur sticking up out of its head, and its match looked nearly identical, though its ring of fur was brown. The little brown and white cat continued to mew hopefully, little pink nose snuffling curiously in Britcat's direction. Both kits could not have been more than a few days old.

Britcat narrowed his eyes and scowled, at a loss for words. He tentatively leapt into the crate and nosed at the kits, one of which curled up in fright and the other continued to blindly seek out a place to nurse, mews sounding high and scared as turned its head hopelessly. The French cat slowly climbed into the crate, wincing when it began to rock back and forth warningly.

_Sacre bleu! So tiny, so very tiny! Where do you suppose is their mama?_

_You git, just look at them!_ Britcat nosed at one of the kitten's ribs, flinching when he heard it cry out and watched the French cat start generously lapping at its ears to shush its whimpers. He was always terrible with kits. _I bet they haven't nursed for some time. They've probably been dumped out here!_

_Dumped?_ French cat turned his head and eyed the alley, nose wrinkling in disdain. _But it is so cold and ugly out here! Why would you leave a baby out here to die? So cruel!_

For once, Britcat agreed with the French feline, but he refused to voice it. The long-haired cat sighed and tugged one of the kits closer, watching as it uncertainly nestled into their fur. _Well, I suppose it is quite the tragedy, so I shall simply take them home with me. My owner has a weakness for cute things, so I_—

Britcat let out a rumbling growl, which only made the unhappy kits mew more. _Hold on a second! Why do YOU get to take them both home? I found them—they should be mine! I will take care of them!_

France cat let out a derisive snort. _You? Why, you'd scare them to death before they could even ride home! Even without their eyesight, you would be the scariest parent ever!_ _Come, little kits,_ purred France cat as he tugged the little brown and white kitten closer. _Papa Louis won't let the uncouth and coarse beast have you…._

_Who are_ you _calling uncouth and coarse?_ Demanded Britcat as he took hold of the white and brown kitten and dragged it over to his own side, where it snuffled in his fur. He couldn't say why he wanted the kits so terribly, considering he DID scare a great many of his human pet's visitors away with his unfriendly little face, but he couldn't just let France feline take them! _The likelihood of you being a good parent is about as likely as you taking an oath of celibacy!_

The darkening sky up ahead let out a rumbling roar, and both cats sent up nervous glances overhead, and at each other. This had to be resolved, and fast.

_Let me take them_, demanded Brit cat, trying to drag the kitten that was nestled in the French feline's paws away. _I'll be a good guardian._

_A scary guardian! Non! I will keep them! _

_You would be too busy grooming yourself to notice if one of them got carried away by a hawk!_

_That is more than can be said of you, you unpleasant, ugly—_

**Booooooooom!** The thunder boomed again overhead and the kittens' crying intensified. France feline bit his lip. Britcat swallowed at the thought of heavy raindrops falling the two tiny scraps. They certainly wouldn't last long on their own, but even less so out in the chilly rain all night! _This isn't getting us anywhere. Why don't the two of us just each take a kit home and call it a day? _

_Fine with me! _And with that, the long-haired feline opened his mouth and seized hold of the red and white kitten by the scruff of its neck. He leapt out of the box (making it rock wildly back and forth once again) and raced off for home with his newfound prize, leaving a bewildered Britcat alone with a very tiny creature. The Settler cat blinked.

_Oh, lord, what I have I done?_ He thought in despair. _That frog is right, I have no business raising a kitten!_

He felt a paw running up and down his leg and looked down; the kitten was blindly poking at Britcat, meowing in curiosity. His little tail swished back and forth and Britcat watched it with some fascination; his own tail was a short stump of a thing, almost nonexistent. Not that there was anything wrong with it, mind you.

The younger cat appeared to be trembling with cold now that its mate was gone, so Britcat hesitantly wrapped his warmer body around the kitten. It wriggled against him before settling into his white fur, purring like a little engine as its tiny ears found the faint _lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub _of the older cat's heart.

To his surpise, Britcat found himself purring a lullaby. He lowered his head and started lapping at the tiny cat's ears, inwardly bemoaning just how much tidying the little cat would need. But then the rain started to fall, and it seemed like a moot point.

The blind cat whined in confusion as it felt the first cold drops hit its body, and Britcat anxiously lapped at his back with his rough pink tongue to comfort him. Without giving it another thought, Britcat clamored out of the box with the kit in his mouth, scurrying out of the alley just as the raindrops started to plummet.

~*oOo*~


End file.
